Self-Help Book Believes It Can Be A Bestseller Someday

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Vol 40 Issue 45

Political Blogger Mass Suicide To Be Discovered In Several Weeks

BOSTON—By examining web-traffic data for left-leaning DailyKos.com, researchers have predicted that the mass suicide of 14 political bloggers will likely be discovered sometime in mid-December. "After months of doing nothing but sit alone in our rooms at our computers, trying to get our message to the people, we lost the election anyway," read the still-unread suicide pact posted Nov. 3. "We'd rather be dead than live in a country as fucked up as this one." The bodies will most likely be found by property managers, long-estranged parents, or neighbors returning copies of Joe Trippi's The Revolution Will Not Be Televised.

Procrastinating Catholic 20 Rosaries Behind

BOSTON—Following three trips to the confessional in recent months, Paul McMullen has a backlog of 20 recitations of the rosary, the 32-year-old Catholic reported Monday. "Father O'Riordan gave me three rosaries last time, five the time before, and I still had 12 left over from last month," McMullan said. "I tried doing the 'Hail Marys' and the 'Our Fathers' on my way to work, but I kept losing my place during the Sorrowful Mysteries." McMullan said he plans to stop going to confession for a few months so he can catch up.

Amount Of Halloween Candy Collected Down 15 Percent

WASHINGTON, DC—According to data released Monday by the Federal Confectionery Reserve, the amount of candy collected by U.S. children this Halloween dropped 15 percent from 2003. "As the treating indicator plainly shows, our Snickers, Dum Dums, and Bit-O-Honey numbers were far below projections," FCR chairman Bert Worak said. "As we head into the next quarter, we should brace ourselves for a sharp reduction in levels of childhood wonder." Bennett also cautioned against counting on Santa Claus to boost candy acquisitions during the coming months.

Prehistoric Discoveries

This year, paleontologists made a number of important discoveries about prehistoric times, including the existence of a 40-inch-tall species of human, as well as that of an early, feathered relative of the Tyrannosurus Rex. What are some other recent discoveries?

The Republican Majority

Last week, Bush became the first Republican president to be re-elected with House and Senate majorities since 1924. What do you think?

U.S. To Send 30,000 Mall Security Guards To Iraq

WASHINGTON, DC—Pressed for additional troops to police the Iraqi general elections scheduled for January, the Pentagon announced Monday that it will dispatch 30,000 U.S. shopping-mall security guards to the troubled Sunni Triangle region.
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Self-Help Book Believes It Can Be A Bestseller Someday

NEW YORK—In spite of the odds it faces in the ultra-competitive self-improvement segment of the publishing market, the forthcoming self-help book The Life-Changing Power Of Perspective firmly believes that it can be a bestseller, the 179-page non-fiction paperback said Tuesday.

Self-Help Book Believes It Can Be A Bestseller Someday

"I know I can reach the top," Perspective said. "I simply have to view the trade market from the proper vantage point. That's the secret to attaining your goals, as I explain in my introduction and elaborate upon in my 24 chapters."

"I can't wait to get out on the shelves and show people what I can do!" the book added.

Perspective said it will teach readers to organize their lives more efficiently and "achieve their goals by altering the way they define their circumstances." As readers progress through "the POV plan," Perspective said they will gain a fresh understanding of their lives, simply by altering their point of view.

"I use the model that I present, which is exactly why I know that I'm going to sell at least 500,000 copies," Perspective said. "Face it, if I didn't use powerful life tools, I wouldn't be sitting here in front of you today. I'm living proof of my 'creative mode' of thinking. Why, even back when I was only 30 pages, I was able to visualize myself as a full-length book."

"But I'm not stopping with a six-figure deal from New Horizon Press," Perspective said. "By 'believing in what I'm already achieving'—page 27—I can 'build on that belief and achieve through what I've built'—page 32. I'm not happy just to 'be,' when I can 'see.' I can see myself on every nightstand in America."

While optimistic life planning through visualization may not be unheard of in the self-improvement market, Perspective said it has something distinctive to offer to its readers.

"Everyone knows how many self-help books are published," Perspective said in a press release sent to potential reviewers early this year. "But how many of them are hard-bound for greatness? 'Oprah Book Club Selection' is already written on my heart. Now, it's just a matter of getting it embossed on my spine."

When pressed for details, Perspective quoted its back cover at length.

"'Do you see?'" Perspective said. "'And if you do, how? Where have you positioned yourself? Are you looking at the mountain, or are you seeing the things around yourself as they might look to someone who has climbed the mountain?'"

"It's important not to even have the mountain—in my case, the New York Times bestseller list—in your line of sight," Perspective said. "Instead, think of your mountain as your line of sight, a frame of reference. I'm 'framing' that achievement-picture, and 'referencing' it through action. So, it's not, 'Perspective, you have to sell 500,000 copies.' It's 'Perspective, tonight you have an appearance at a reporting store, so have fun and do your very best, as reporting stores are important stepping stones to bestseller status.'"

The Life-Changing Power Of Perspective expanded upon its personal goals, saying that, in the book's case, "proper action" constituted a 60,000-copy print run backed up by a half-page ad in major business and lifestyle magazines, plus colorful dump-box standee-displays on the ends of checkout aisles at all big-box chain bookstores.

"Everyone at Horizon is totally behind Perspective, but we thought an initial print run of 15,000 was more appropriate," Horizon Press editor Emily Steiner said. "It had a quarter page in our fall catalog, though. Perspective definitely has the potential to explode. I mean, every book does."

The author of The Life-Changing Power Of Perspective, Boston-based pediatrician Wes Marten, could not be reached for comment, as he was undergoing treatment for amphetamine abuse following the breakup of his third marriage.

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