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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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Selling Equals Winning, Ex-Athlete Tells Direct-Mail Merchandisers

HARRISBURG, PA–Selling equals winning, former Los Angeles Rams fullback Ron Pitts told direct-mail merchandisers Tuesday during a sales seminar at the Harrisburg Marriott.

Former Los Angeles Rams fullback Ron Pitts gives seminar attendees advice on how to "score a touchdown in the game of direct-mail merchandising."

"To reach the end zone in the game of direct-mail marketing, you need a winning game plan," Pitts told the crowd of 250 direct-mail merchandisers, each of whom paid $310 to attend the two-day seminar. "And that means having all the parts of your team working together. After all, if your mailing list isn't doing its job opening holes for your sales staff, your profits are going to get sacked for a big loss."

Pitts, 40, who gained 4,764 yards during an eight-year NFL career, urged those in attendance to establish a well-balanced marketing attack.

"You could have the best product in the world," Pitts said, "but unless you have the reliable distribution channels to get it to the customer, you'll find yourself fumbling every time you touch the ball."

Seminar attendee Bill Gornowicz, 44, who recently quit his job as an associate service coordinator to launch a mail-order office-supply business, said he was impressed with Pitts' seminar.

"I'm really glad I came," Gornowicz said. "Ron showed me that in the unpredictable world of direct-mail merchandising, I always need to have a back-up plan in case of broken plays. That means if my database goes down, I have a hard copy so I still know what inventory I have in stock."

"Don't put yourself in a fourth-and-long situation," Pitts warned. "In my day, I was a scorer. But you've got to be a closer."

Pitts' next appearance takes place Friday, when he is slated to present a "Cold-Calling Techniques That Score Big!" seminar at the Radisson Inn Cleveland Airport. The first 100 registrants will receive a free Pitts-autographed football.

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