adBlockCheck

International

Vatican Putting Out Feelers For How Public Would React To Another Children’s Crusade

VATICAN CITY—Saying they had been giving some thought recently to the idea of sending legions of Christian boys and girls to retake the Holy Land and wanted to gauge the level of support, Vatican officials reportedly began putting out feelers Wednesday to determine how the public might react to another Children’s Crusade, much as was attempted in the year 1212.

John Kerry Scrambles To Stop Bunker’s Self-Destruct Sequence As Russian Oligarch Taunts Him From Bank Of Monitors

BOGDARNYA, RUSSIA—Working frantically to gain access to the system’s override settings at the computer terminal controlling the impending implosion, Secretary of State John Kerry scrambled to stop the self-destruct sequence of an underground bunker located thousands of feet below the Russian countryside Tuesday while oligarch Dmitry Granovsky taunted him from the numerous banks of monitors positioned throughout the facility, sources confirmed.

Islamic Awakening Inspires Man To Defect From ISIS

MOSUL, IRAQ—Telling reporters he had renounced his role as a militant and would soon be relocating in order to seek out an environment more conducive to fully devoting himself to his newfound religious faith, 24-year-old Huzaifa Quraishi confirmed Tuesday his recent Islamic awakening had inspired him to defect from ISIS.

CIA Orchestrates Coup D’État To Replace Entire Population Of Venezuela

Agency Installs Pro-American Populace Of 30 Million Venezuelan Citizens

CARACAS, VENEZUELA—Sources are confirming that the Central Intelligence Agency has orchestrated a coup d’état in the South American nation of Venezuela, toppling the country’s 30 million residents and replacing them with an entirely new, pro-American populace.

A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture

‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Semester Abroad Spent Drinking With Other American Students

SEVILLE, SPAIN—Jon Blevins, an Indiana University junior studying in Seville, has spent nearly all of his semester abroad drinking with other American college students.

Blevins (center) drinks at a Seville cafe with a pair of exotic new friends from the University of Miami.

"Seville is incredible," said Blevins, 19, finishing off a Cruzcampo beer at Capote Bar. "There are all these amazing cathedrals and statues and art museums. Hopefully, at some point, I'll get a chance to see some of it."

Dividing his time among classes, the Universidad de Sevilla's American dorms, and the handful of bars and clubs frequented by American students, Blevins said the opportunity to gain firsthand exposure to people from other cultures was what drew him to the ancient Andalusian city.

"I've met people from all over: a guy from Penn State, these two Sig Ep brothers from the University of Oregon, and some really cool people from Clemson," said Blevins, a political-science major who is taking eight credits at the Universidad de Sevilla. "And I was worried I wouldn't fit in."

Added Blevins: "The program I'm in is actually done through Florida State, so I've also met a lot of FSU chicks, who are really hot."

Blevins, who said Seville is "in the Moor part of Spain," has not visited such landmarks as the Catedral, the largest Gothic edifice ever constructed, or the Museo Provincial des Bellas Artes, a museum in a former convent which houses works by Murillo, Ribera, and El Greco. He has, however, made three trips to the American Club, "this great bar near campus where they've got Dave Matthews on the jukebox and Sam Adams on tap."

The famed <i>Catedral</i>, one of the many Seville attractions Blevins has not seen.

Before leaving for Spain on Jan. 6, Blevins was concerned that his inability to speak Spanish would make negotiating the country difficult. Blevins' worries, however, were quickly assuaged.

"You can totally get by without knowing Spanish in Seville," Blevins said. "It's a really international city, and most of the locals speak English. Plus, a few days after I got there, I hooked up with these guys from Emory University on my dorm floor who all knew Spanish. So I was pretty much set."

Blevins said he looks forward to gaining a taste of authentic Sevillian culture during the upcoming Semana Santa festival, an annual Holy Week celebration renowned for its religious significance and throngs of drunken tourists.

"That's gonna be seriously off the hook," Blevins said. "We're talking non-stop Cuervo."

Though he has spent a majority of his time in Seville, Blevins has made sure not to limit his cultural exposure to that city alone.

"A bunch of us from the dorm took a weekend trip to Cordoba, which isn't too far away," Blevins said. "It wound up being pretty similar to Seville, with all these orange trees and churches and stuff, but it was still pretty cool. Me and Pete and Chris, these two Ohio State guys I went with, met up with a bunch of their friends from school who happened to be there on winter break. They'd just come from Barcelona and told us all about the scene there. Then we all went to Granada and checked out this nightclub opened by this other guy they all knew. It was cool: They had pretty good paella there, but otherwise it was pretty much just like any bar back in Bloomington."

In spite of the challenges and difficulties that studying in a foreign land has presented, Blevins said he "wouldn't have missed it for anything."

"Sure, it's weird taking classes from someone who barely speaks English," Blevins said. "And you wouldn't believe what a Jack and Coke costs in Seville. But I've had some really unique experiences. I'll never forget it."

Added Blevins: "Last weekend, I even met a guy from my hometown. Just goes to show you what a small world it really is."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close