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Senate Bully Forces Legislators To Repeatedly Pass 'We Are Huge Homos' Bill

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Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.
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Senate Bully Forces Legislators To Repeatedly Pass 'We Are Huge Homos' Bill

WASHINGTON—S. 4781, otherwise known as the We're All a Bunch of Huge Homos Act, was unanimously passed for the ninth consecutive time after pressure Thursday from Senate bully Rob Antonelli (R-NJ). "The bill passes. It is resolved that I am a fag. We are all massive fags," said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV), who has been repeatedly told by his constituents to defend himself and just pop Sen. Antonelli right in the face. "Let the record show that we are also big pussies who wet our beds at night." Aides to Antonelli told reporters the senator would be out by the bike racks behind the Smithsonian later if any of them would like to learn more details about the bill.

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