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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Senate Passes Blame By Vote Of 91-8

WASHINGTON—In a rare display of bipartisanship, senators on both sides of the aisle set aside their differences Tuesday and passed off responsibility for the nation's problems by an overwhelming 91-8 margin. "As senators, it's our duty to get any sort of blame out of Congress and onto the president's desk as quickly as possible," said Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV), who recalled a similar 2005 decision in which the Senate firmly rejected accountability by a vote of 93-6. "Someone has to accept this blame and do the right thing, and both Democrats and Republicans alike understand the importance of fighting tooth and nail to ensure that it's not us." President Obama is widely expected to veto the blame, sending it back down to the House of Representatives.

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