adBlockCheck

Politics

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.
End Of Section
  • More News

Senate Passes Blame By Vote Of 91-8

WASHINGTON—In a rare display of bipartisanship, senators on both sides of the aisle set aside their differences Tuesday and passed off responsibility for the nation's problems by an overwhelming 91-8 margin. "As senators, it's our duty to get any sort of blame out of Congress and onto the president's desk as quickly as possible," said Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV), who recalled a similar 2005 decision in which the Senate firmly rejected accountability by a vote of 93-6. "Someone has to accept this blame and do the right thing, and both Democrats and Republicans alike understand the importance of fighting tooth and nail to ensure that it's not us." President Obama is widely expected to veto the blame, sending it back down to the House of Representatives.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close