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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Senate Votes 64-36, Not Sure On What

WASHINGTON, DC—The U.S. Senate voted 64-36 in favor of S. 546 Monday, despite the lack of any awareness of the bill's contents. "Wait a minute—S. 546?" asked Sen. Kent Conrad (D-ND), hurriedly shuffling through a stack of papers after hearing of the bill's passage. "I tend to just vote with Maria Cantwell [(D-WA)], but apparently, she just voted with Thomas Carper [(D-DE)]. Does anybody know what's in S. 546?! Oh, geez." Conrad said he isn't certain, but that he might remember someone mentioning something about the Bend Pine Nursery Land Conveyance Act.

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