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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Senator Baucus Shows Rest Of Congress Where He Found The Dead Body

WASHINGTON—Breaking off in the middle of a speech on financial reform Tuesday, Sen. Max Baucus (D-MT) offered to take any member of the assembled Senate brave enough to follow him down to Breakneck Woods to see the dead body he had found. "I went to collect some rocks by Miller Creek this morning, and I saw something in the tall grass," the wide-eyed senator said as he led several members of Congress over a rickety bridge by the quarry right around sunset. "He was just lying down there. His skin was all blue-looking." Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-TN) was later seen taking an inconsolable Sen. John Barrasso (R-WY) over to a nearby tree to calm him down just before the group ran off to hide in an old drainage pipe after seeing oncoming headlights.

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