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Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Senatorial Candidate Challenges Opponent To Drop Out Of Race

HELENA, MT—As Montana's Senate race heats up in its final weeks, Democrat Jon Tester has challenged his opponent, incumbent Republican Conrad Burns, to prove his commitment to his principles and to the people of Montana by dropping out of the race. "You have said time and again, Mr. Burns, that small governments best serve society," said Tester during a speech before a prominent cattle-ranching group Monday. "If you believe what you say, then I challenge you: Prove your convictions by dropping out of this race, or be known as another politician who refuses to live by his word." Burns responded to the challenge by issuing a counter-challenge calling upon his rival to limit all campaign spending from now until election night to zero.

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