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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Senators Accuse Thrashers Of Pouring It On After 3-1 Loss

OTTAWA—Following their 3-1 loss Wednesday, Senators players accused the visiting Thrashers of poor sportsmanship for keeping up the intensity long after the game was out of reach. "At the end of the second period it was 2-1, meaning the game was basically over," said Senators captain Daniel Alfredsson, who called the Thrashers' behavior in tallying the gaudy score a violation of the hockey code. "What's going to happen? We're somehow going to score a goal and tie it? Maybe. Flukes happen, miracles happen. But are we going to score twice? This is hockey we're talking about, after all." Alfredsson would not rule out his team attempting to score three goals on the Thrashers in their next meeting regardless of whether the Thrashers score at all.

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