Senators Accuse Thrashers Of Pouring It On After 3-1 Loss

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Vol 47 Issue 03

"Late Inning Drama" Episode Guide

Episode 1: Odd Manager Out The Arrows have a new manager, but he's not what he seems. Masters thinks there's a killer on the team, but all his evidence is circumstantial. Meanwhile he's giving up monstrous home runs. Will the team crack their los...

In Memory Of Susan Merriweather

With great regret, we wish to inform you of the death of Onion News Network international reporter Susan Merriweather. Susan, who started at the Onion News Network as Today Now's denim correspondent in 2002 and worked her way up to become one of the netwo...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Senators Accuse Thrashers Of Pouring It On After 3-1 Loss

OTTAWA—Following their 3-1 loss Wednesday, Senators players accused the visiting Thrashers of poor sportsmanship for keeping up the intensity long after the game was out of reach. "At the end of the second period it was 2-1, meaning the game was basically over," said Senators captain Daniel Alfredsson, who called the Thrashers' behavior in tallying the gaudy score a violation of the hockey code. "What's going to happen? We're somehow going to score a goal and tie it? Maybe. Flukes happen, miracles happen. But are we going to score twice? This is hockey we're talking about, after all." Alfredsson would not rule out his team attempting to score three goals on the Thrashers in their next meeting regardless of whether the Thrashers score at all.

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