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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Senile Mother A Broken Novelty Record

HUNTLEY, NE—The constant chatter of vascular dementia–afflicted Sophia Chandler, 88, has become a "broken novelty record" to the family members who care for her, Chandler's daughter Jane LeNoir said Tuesday. "All day long, it's 'I'm cold,' or 'Where's my husband? Is he dead?' or 'Janie, the airplanes are stopping over our house and the people are looking down my blouse' in the same scratchy tone," LeNoir, 59, said. "Then, a few minutes later, it starts again. Although sometimes she totally flips and starts in on 'Eight-Eyed Emily' or 'King Of The Dung Beetles.'" LeNoir said the condition is expected to get worse when Chandler's recently diagnosed Parkinson's disease really kicks in and her voice begins skipping unpredictably.

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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

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