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34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Mom Produces Decorative Gift Bag Out Of Thin Air

LEXINGTON, MA—Conjuring the item into existence along with several sheets of perfectly coordinated tissue paper, local mother Caroline Wolfson, 49, reportedly produced a decorative gift bag out of thin air Tuesday within a mere fraction of a second of her daughter mentioning she needed to wrap a present.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.
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Senior Center Restocks On Rum Raisin Ice Cream

PRESCOTT, AZ—Residents of the Prescott Senior Center were pleased on Tuesday to learn that a new order of rum raisin ice cream had finally arrived. The ice cream, purchased from a nearby supermarket, had been out of stock for two weeks. "It was time to get more rum raisin ice cream," activities director Rich Diaz said. "Friday's coming up, and that's rum raisin ice cream night." Diaz said the center had experimented with other flavors, but pineapple coconut was deemed too sweet by most of the seniors, and the multiple flavors of Neapolitan just confused them.

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