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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Senior Citizen Shaken By Diminished Bawdy-Limerick Recall

OCALA, FL—Retiree Henry Sims, straining to remember the one about the lady from China, was deeply shaken Tuesday by his fading bawdy-limerick recall. "Last week, I blanked on the one about the man from Keokuk," the 79-year-old said. "And now this." Sims said he could visualize the Chinese woman and the popsicle, but couldn't recall the accompanying rhyming verse. "Can you imagine that?" Sims said. "Me, Hank, forgetting a classic."

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