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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Series Of Grave Errors Results In Jeff And Kim's 5th Anniversary

ORLANDO, FL—A lengthy succession of grievous and utterly miscalculated errors resulted in the 5th anniversary of local couple Jeff and Kim Cuthbert’s wedding, sources confirmed today. “At this point, we can only blame years’ worth of lamentable and fundamentally flawed judgment—primarily on the part of not only Jeff and Kim, but also their friends and family—for today’s 5th anniversary,” said marital expert Simon Hatter, explaining that the anniversary is ultimately the culmination of many calamitous errors, including the couple’s 2006 introduction when they excitedly believed they “hit it off,” their 2007 engagement, and their doomed 2008 wedding. “It’s also safe to say that the series of mishaps continues every single day Jeff and Kim eat dinner together without making eye contact and silently lie in bed together.” Hatter explained the sequence of mistakes will likely continue through the births of Jeff and Kim’s two children in 2014 and 2017, but that a faint glimmer of hope will emerge briefly during their 2023 trial separation.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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