Serious Mitt Romney Demanding To Be Addressed As 'Mitthew' Now

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CHICAGO—Citing her shapeless physique, protruding skeleton, and jaundiced complexion, gym members exercising at a local Equinox Fitness Club on Friday confirmed that the anorexic woman working out on the first floor is looking good. “Oh, man, ...
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Serious Mitt Romney Demanding To Be Addressed As 'Mitthew' Now

SANFORD, FL—During Mitt Romney’s final campaign swing through Florida today, the Republican presidential nominee issued a stern rebuke to members of the press, insisting they use his full given name and refer to him exclusively as Mitthew Romney. “Before we go on, I need to stop and correct you on one thing—it’s Mitthew, okay?” said Romney, interrupting a reporter who had asked a question in which she referred to the candidate as Mitt. “My name is Mitthew. It always has been. Apparently people think it’s okay to be informal and call me Mitt for short, but I’ve never liked that particular nickname and would appreciate it if everyone would just use the name my parents gave me: Mitthew.” At press time, Romney had boarded his campaign jet along with his five sons, Taggothy, Joshathan, Benben, Craigory, and Matt.

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