adBlockCheck

Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.
End Of Section
  • More News

Serious Mitt Romney Demanding To Be Addressed As 'Mitthew' Now

SANFORD, FL—During Mitt Romney’s final campaign swing through Florida today, the Republican presidential nominee issued a stern rebuke to members of the press, insisting they use his full given name and refer to him exclusively as Mitthew Romney. “Before we go on, I need to stop and correct you on one thing—it’s Mitthew, okay?” said Romney, interrupting a reporter who had asked a question in which she referred to the candidate as Mitt. “My name is Mitthew. It always has been. Apparently people think it’s okay to be informal and call me Mitt for short, but I’ve never liked that particular nickname and would appreciate it if everyone would just use the name my parents gave me: Mitthew.” At press time, Romney had boarded his campaign jet along with his five sons, Taggothy, Joshathan, Benben, Craigory, and Matt.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close