adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Seriously Ill Yankees Fan Really Hoping It's Lou Gehrig's Disease

NEW YORK—Lifelong New York Yankees fan and construction worker Greg Snell, 44, told reporters yesterday that it would be "a great honor" if the troubling and debilitating illness currently plaguing him was diagnosed as Lou Gehrig's Disease, the fatal neuromuscular disorder named after the Yankees legend. "Let's face it, there's no way I can match what Gehrig did on the baseball field, but there's still a chance I got [ALS]," said Snell, adding that if his muscles were to gradually become smaller and weaker to the point of complete paralysis for the same reason Gehrig's did, he would consider himself the "luckiest man on the face of the earth." "I've noticed my bricklaying skills diminishing, and, because I can no longer perform at the level I am used to, I'll soon be forced to take myself out of the construction site. I can only hope it's just like Gehrig." Snell added that if he is not diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease, he will attempt drink himself to death just like Mickey Mantle.

More from this section

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close