Seventh-Grade Biology Class Grossed Out At Having To Dissect Horse

Top Headlines

After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Seventh-Grade Biology Class Grossed Out At Having To Dissect Horse

MONTCLAIR, NJ—Students at Glenville Middle School expressed disgust Thursday at having to dissect full-size horse cadavers, a much-dreaded annual assignment given to all seventh-grade biology classes in the local school district. “You always hear that [biology teacher] Mr. Becora’s going to make you dissect a 14-hand thoroughbred, but until you actually see one all pinned down on your lab table, you don’t realize how gross it’s going to be,” said Lauren Denison, 13, who has protested the policy stating that any student who refuses to participate is automatically given a C. “They give you this horse in a tank of formaldehyde, and it’s super disgusting—you and your lab partner have to slice off the hooves one by one, and that’s before you even crack open the rib cage and remove the aorta. Yuck!” As of press time, resident class clown Ian Levine was reportedly trying to lasso Denison using his horse’s small intestine.

After Birth Video

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close