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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Seventh-Graders Still Undecided On Disparaging Name For Mr. Hyslop

ROME, GA–After several weeks of deliberation, a high-ranking coalition of Rome Middle School seventh-graders remains undecided on what derisive nickname should be assigned to earth-science teacher Mr. Hyslop. "We are giving serious consideration to 'Mr. Hy-snot,'" coalition spokesperson Michael Kraft, 13, told reporters Tuesday, "but the name has yet to win the support of the majority." Other names being considered include "Mr. Hog-slop," "Mr. Zit-pop" and "Mr. Ass-plop."

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