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Seventh-Graders Still Undecided On Disparaging Name For Mr. Hyslop

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Seventh-Graders Still Undecided On Disparaging Name For Mr. Hyslop

ROME, GA–After several weeks of deliberation, a high-ranking coalition of Rome Middle School seventh-graders remains undecided on what derisive nickname should be assigned to earth-science teacher Mr. Hyslop. "We are giving serious consideration to 'Mr. Hy-snot,'" coalition spokesperson Michael Kraft, 13, told reporters Tuesday, "but the name has yet to win the support of the majority." Other names being considered include "Mr. Hog-slop," "Mr. Zit-pop" and "Mr. Ass-plop."

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