adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Several NFL Teams Express Interest In Your Sister

NEW YORK—­Saying that there are plenty of franchises that would “love to have her,” league sources reported Wednesday that multiple NFL teams have expressed high levels of interest in your sister. “We’ve had our eye on her for a while, and we’re confident she has a whole lot to offer this organization,” said Colts GM Ryan Grigson, echoing the sentiment of 12 interested parties who “like what [they’ve] seen so far” from the coveted 18-year-old. “She’s got just the kind of build we’re looking for. What is she, by the way? A college freshman? Wow, she’s really matured over the past few years. She certainly has our attention.” Sources also noted that many of the involved teams were willing to offer your sister “significant compensation” in return for her services.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close