Seymour Hersh Uncovers New Thing Too Sad To Think About

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Vol 45 Issue 17

Three Fingered On Class Trip To Washington, D.C.

WASHINGTON—The second fingering reportedly took place Thursday night at the hotel after chaperones failed to notice that Nick Stern had been hiding in Jamie Cavanaugh's bathroom during a 10 p.m. room check.
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Seymour Hersh Uncovers New Thing Too Sad To Think About

NEW YORK—Sources at The New Yorker said a new article by investigative journalist Seymour Hersh "blows the lid completely off" a subject matter far too soul-crushing for the human brain to process. Hersh, renowned for breaking stories on events such as the My Lai Massacre and Abu Ghraib, is said to have plumbed every last, depressing detail of the newly uncovered topic, which likely involves an inconceivable combination of violence, drunken abuses of power, wanton disregard for the sanctity of human life, and a chain of deceit and corruption leading all the way to the top. According to a recent poll, none of The New Yorker's nearly 1 million subscribers had summoned the strength to crack the story's first paragraph, instead turning to the new Roz Chast cartoon on the next page.

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