adBlockCheck

Recent News

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
End Of Section
  • More News

Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl Recaptured By Taliban After Wandering Off Texas Base

WASHINGTON—Just weeks after Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl’s release from captivity in Afghanistan, U.S. defense officials announced that the 28-year-old had been recaptured by Taliban forces Monday shortly after wandering off base in Texas. “It is with regret that we inform you that at approximately 1200 hours today, Sgt. Bergdahl left his post, was seized by insurgents outside San Antonio, and taken into Taliban custody,” said Pentagon spokesman John Herndon, explaining that, on his first day back on active duty, Bergdahl slipped out of Fort Sam Houston with only a backpack and a notebook, ventured for five miles on foot, and was shortly thereafter abducted by a group of militant jihadists, a sequence of events that was largely corroborated by Bergdahl himself in a Taliban propaganda video released this afternoon. “Based on emails he sent this morning, it appears that Sgt. Bergdahl may have grown disillusioned with his return to service and voluntarily ventured outside the base. We have reclassified him as ‘missing/captured,’ and the U.S. Army will do everything in its power to secure his release and repatriate him, once again, to the United States.” At press time, a spokesman for the Obama administration announced that the president was currently in negotiations to hand over five high-value Taliban prisoners in exchange for Bergdahl.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close