Shaken Attorney General Resigns After Learning What Murder Is

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Vol 46 Issue 13

NBA To Start Charging Teams For Free Throws

NEW YORK—In an effort to increase the league's revenue and offset the expensive cost of foul shots, commissioner David Stern announced Monday that the NBA would begin charging teams a $50 fee per free throw attempt.

Chimp In Cocaine Study Starts Lying To Friends

ATLANTA—Early in the study, Bobo's elevated mood and excessive chattering made him quite popular among the other chimpanzees. But researchers claimed that his increased irritability, short temper, and absenteeism at the jungle gym did not go unnoticed.
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Shaken Attorney General Resigns After Learning What Murder Is

WASHINGTON—Attorney General Eric Holder turned in his letter of resignation to President Barack Obama Tuesday after discovering that people willfully participate in the killing of other human beings on a routine basis. "I am stunned," a pale and shaking Holder said. "That's just horrible. People really do that? My God, why?" Sources close to Holder said that he is seeking a position in which he will be less likely to encounter man's inhumanity toward man, perhaps in child protective services.

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