Shameless Coworker Doing Nothing To Conceal Clearly Flaccid Penis Lying Beneath Khakis

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Vol 49 Issue 45

Onion Sports’ NFL Week 10 Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week 10 games: Redskins at Vikings OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Redskins – If the Redskins were to lose this game 34-27, i...

FDA To Ban All Trans Fats

The FDA proposed new guidelines that would ban nearly all artificial trans fats, which are found in products such as frosting, margarine, microwave popcorn, and frozen pizza, a measure that they say could prevent 20,000 heart attacks a year.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Shameless Coworker Doing Nothing To Conceal Clearly Flaccid Penis Lying Beneath Khakis

HARTFORD, CT—Employees at Trustwell Insurance expressed shock and embarrassment Monday upon noticing that senior sales associate Mark Hansel had a visibly flaccid penis just sitting there underneath his khaki pants and was making absolutely zero effort to conceal it from his colleagues. “It was like, Christ, we can totally tell that your limp penis is right there behind a layer of fabric, Mark, and you don’t even have the decency to cover yourself up?” accounts analyst Alexis Crawford told reporters, adding that she forced herself to look away out of politeness after seeing Hansel’s completely unerect penis just hanging there, concealed beneath his khakis. “His flaccid genitals were practically staring us all in the face, covered in nothing but his khaki pants, and presumably a pair of boxers or briefs of some kind. And yet Mark didn’t try to sit down or block our view with a file folder or anything. I mean, good Lord, I didn’t come to work to see a peep show.” At press time, numerous office sources were considering reporting Hansel’s actions to corporate as an act of sexual harassment.

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