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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Shane Victorino's Parents Bracing For Annual Spring Training Drop-Off Tantrum

WAILUKU, HI—Michael and Joycelyn Victorino told reporters Friday that they are preparing to deal with their tantrum-prone 30-year-old son, Phillies outfielder Shane Victorino, who they said will undoubtedly throw another hissy fit before being dragged out of the car and dropped off at spring training. "It's just a matter of time. Once he sees us packing his clothes and his baseball equpiment, his face gets all red and he starts shaking," said mother Joycelyn, adding that they tried to get Victorino's grandfather to take him to Clearwater, FL, but he was unavailable. "He's going to cry and kick and scream the whole ride there. 'Don't make me go! None of the other players like me!' All that crap. Frankly, I'm just happy to have him out of my hair for a few weeks." Victorino's parents said they hope they don't have a repeat of last year, when Phillies manager Charlie Manuel had to call them back to the spring training facility to pick up their bawling son.

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