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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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Shannon Tweed Named Head Of U.S. Task Force On Nudity & Aging

WASHINGTON, DC—Former Playboy playmate and veteran erotic straight-to-video actress Shannon Tweed was chosen by President Clinton Monday to head the newly created U.S. Task Force on Nudity & Aging. Calling Tweed the "grand old dame of the softcore, R-rated, made-for-cable film industry," Clinton said the oft-topless actress was "ideal for the position, bringing with her more than 20 years of nudity-related experience." The task force will examine the effects of aging on nudity-based careers and help develop new strategies for approaching both toplessness and full-frontal nudity for actresses over 40. Tweed will assume her new role later this month, following the completion of her latest film, Bare Evidence, which co-stars William Katt as a cop who goes undercover to find a killer who's stalking the strip joints of a major metropolitan city. The film will be available in both R-rated and unrated formats in video stores this fall.

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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