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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Shape Magazine Declares July 'Let Yourself Go' Month

WOODLAND HILLS, CA—Shape, the women's fitness magazine, has officially declared July "Let Yourself Go" Month. "You've toned those abs and burned the flab in time for bikini season... Now it's time for a meatball sandwich," wrote Shape editor-in-chief Barbara Harris in her "From The Editor" column. "Come on, live a little. Don't be a tight-ass with a tight ass. Eat, lounge, and slouch your way to a happier, more satisfied you." Features in the issue include "Girth Equals Mirth: Six Sure-Fire Techniques For Broadening That Belly," "Wrinkles: The More You Have, The More You've Lived," and "Reduce Unwanted Stress By Not Giving A Fuck."

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