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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Shaq Asks To Have Injured Hip Replaced With Lasers

LOS ANGELES—Following a medical appointment Monday in which he sought treatment for a hip injury that has sidelined him for the past five games, Miami Heat center Shaquille O'Neal told reporters he has asked doctors to use their science to replace his ailing hip with intense beams of highly focused coherent light. "'The Real Deal' can no longer afford to be slowed down by physical bones, which refuse to stop hurting," the four-time NBA champion, who has not played since Dec. 22, told reporters Wednesday. "So I told them to just open me up and bolt in some lasers, so I can get back out on the court and help my team. I'm thinking maybe they should replace my entire skeleton. Some of those bones have been weighing me down for too long." Although Heat coach Pat Riley felt the bursitis in O'Neal's hip would heal in a couple of weeks without the use of high-energy stimulated radiation implants, he expressed concern after learning "Doctor Shaq" would perform the laser hip transplant on himself if he could not find a surgeon for the procedure.

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