Shaq, Cavaliers Start To Bond After Rollerblading Around Cleveland

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College Freshman Makes Triumphant Return To High School

COCONUT CREEK, FL—"I'm back, Bayshore High," 18-year-old Henry Doyle announced as he pulled his mother's Toyota Camry slowly into the parking lot normally reserved for faculty, emerging with a knowing grin. "Bet you never thought you'd see the likes of me again!"

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KENOSHA, WI—Amid questions as to why this kind of shit always happens to him, area resident Patrick Kennedy told reporters Monday it was...

Ohio Legalized Casinos

Voters in Ohio approved a plan to open casinos in the state's four largest cities. What do you think?

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FINDLAY,OH—The entire office staff of Altman & Hanson Accounting remained utterly baffled as to what, if anything, should be done in response to the prominent sobbing coming from the cubicle of 36-year-old clerk Jack Underwood, sources reported today.
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Shaq, Cavaliers Start To Bond After Rollerblading Around Cleveland

CLEVELAND—After strapping on inline skates for the first time ever Monday, Cavaliers center Shaquille O'Neal and his new teammates bonded while Rollerblading through the streets of Cleveland. "We definitely had some bad spills, and we got lost in the warehouse district, but I think it all brought us closer together," said O'Neal, adding that the team was "laughing like crazy" the entire time. "Oh my God, it was so hilarious when we hit this one rough steep patch in the Cleveland Metropolitan Park and we had to scoot down a hill on our butts. Then we got ice cream." O'Neal later said he was impressed by the way the Cavaliers worked together to pull a soaking wet Zydrunas Ilgauskas from the Cuyahoga River.

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