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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Shaq Prepares For New TNT Job By Doing Research On Talking

ORLANDO, FL—In an effort to prepare for his new analyst job on TNT’s Inside The NBA, 15-time All-Star center Shaquille O’Neal has reportedly spent the past two weeks gathering “crucial data” by studying reference books, conducting online searches, and using observational methods to learn more about talking. “Through my in-depth investigation of this fascinating subject, I have discovered that talking will be key to verbally expressing my thoughts, ideas, and opinions about the sport of basketball,” said O’Neal, scribbling in a small notebook filled with elaborate diagrams and mathematical equations. “Although I’ve revised some of my earlier theories on talking, I now believe that thoughts are first formed in the brain and then travel to the tongue, which is used to make the mouth speak words that are strung together in order to create specific comments such as ‘That guy can jump,’ and ‘Steve Nash.’” O’Neal added that he is also spending six hours each day learning how to sit in a chair without falling over.

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