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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Shaq To Guest Referee Game 1 Of Eastern Conference Championship

ORLANDO—NBA commissioner David Stern interrupted the halftime ceremony of the Sixers-Magic game Wednesday to announce that Shaquille O'Neal would be returning to the court this postseason, not as a player, but as a guest referee in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Championship. "It's time I brought the law enforcement back into the NBA," Stern said as he introduced the unsmiling O'Neal, who glowered at the crowd while wearing a black-and-white-striped referee shirt with the sleeves cut off. "He won't let any of you get away with the crap you're pulling with the current refs. Shaq Attack is back—and in full effect." In addition to O'Neal, Stern has appointed Vince Carter to serve as "The Enforcer," whose job is to check tickets and sell concessions at all games.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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