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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Shared Memory Of Children's Television Show Leads To Sex

PHILADELPHIA—A shared memory of the Nickelodeon series You Can't Do That On Television resulted in the act of sexual intercourse between two 26-year-olds Friday, sources reported. "Somehow the show came up, and she remembered how the trigger for getting slimed was saying 'I don't know,'" said paralegal Mike Siddeitch, whose faint recollection of a sketch involving a South American military officer, a firing squad, and a child tied to a post was warmly received by medical student Emily Bryant and was directly responsible for the three hours of casual lovemaking that occurred later that evening. "It's so weird how stuff like that from your childhood sticks in your memory." Shortly after waking up the next morning, the pair simultaneously named the show's disheveled hamburger chef—Barth Bagge—setting off another round of manic copulation.

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