Shark Attack Claims Life Of Some Guy On TV

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DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Shark Attack Claims Life Of Some Guy On TV

SOME BEACH–The life of this one guy on TV was cut tragically short Monday when this giant killer shark ripped the shit out of him during a segment of Fox's When Animals Attack IV. "The guy was just swimming and, like, out of nowhere, this huge shark starts totally tearing him apart," said stunned, shaken viewer Jonathan Hassell, 20, who failed to brace himself for the wildest When Animals Attack yet. "I was like, 'Holy shit, dude.'" The one guy's identity is not known.