QOM, IRAN—Running into the bathroom with armfuls of the fissile material after spotting several United Nations nuclear inspectors approaching for a surprise visit, panicked scientists at Iran’s Fordow Fuel Enrichment Plant reportedly scrambled to flush more than 200 pounds of enriched uranium-235 down the toilet Monday.
JERUSALEMAfter more than 77 years under constant fire, the neurotransmitters of Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's brain could be nearing a truce. "These endless, often senseless patterns of never-ending discharge must come to an end," a spokesman for Sharon's neurostructure told reporters. "Activity has already slowed considerably since the violent blood-clot explosion in his brain earlier this month. We expect a total cessation of cranial nerve firings within two weeks." Observers are unsure whether the cease-fire will bring peace to Sharon's war-torn cranial region, but they remain guardedly optimistic.