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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Shaun White Has Xtremely Lazy Day

CARLSBAD, CA—Sources close to Shaun White confirm that the snowboarder spent an Xtremely lazy day in bed Wednesday, lethargically performing numerous inactivities with ease. White reportedly started the day in a goofy-faced stance with his feet firmly secured to his headboard, performed a body varial over the course of the next two hours in which he rotated 180 degrees and landed in an full belly sprawl, successfully transitioning through a never-before-attempted 720-degree spin through his bedding. "Shaun just makes his inertia work for him," said Burton Snowboard spokesperson Leigh Ault. "You can't learn that kind of thing. You just have to be born that relaxed." White's flawless run concluded when he grabbed the leading edge of his blaring clock radio, executed a hand plant on the snooze button, landed safely in a pile of pillows, and did not move from that position for the next 10 hours.

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