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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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Shepard's Pie: Christmas Eve Carp

Joyeux Noel everyone! Almost Christmastime and as you know, got a lot of traditions going on at once: the wife and I are exchanging new pairs of pajamas on Christmas Eve so we can wake up Christmas morn decked out in fresh flannels; gonna dress as Sinterklaas, the Belgian version of Santa and spit about an hour of Christmas history at my nieces and nephews; and of course, see a movie alone to commemorate some of my college Christmases.

My favorite trad though? Grab a Christmas fact off of Wikipedia and do it UP. This year, Christmas Eve Carp.

Apparently in Poland, Slovakia and some of "those" countries, they are way into carp on Christmas. Breaded carp, pickled carp, candied carp, carp carp carp carp carp. Can't say I'm WAY enthused. Nothing against carp, just doesn't seem like a fun thing. I actually closed my eyes and pointed to the wiki page four times and each time I managed to point to carp. Wish I was joking, not clever enough to think of something like that.

Got me thinking though: who in sports is most like Christmas Eve Carp? You know, where you're expecting something great because it's Christmas Eve, but then you get carp? I'm gonna give you one sentence to think about it, but this is the sentence. OK here it is: 5-Time Sprint Cup Champion Jimmie Johnson.

That's the thing about Jimmie Johnson. Winning five championships is totally Christmas Eve: fun and awesome. But his name, his face and his personality? Carp, carp and carp. Even his number is carp. 48? Only good 48 is "48 Hours" and Nolte had to CARRY that movie from the jaws of death that were early-80's Eddie Murphy.

So what's your Christmas Eve Carp? I really love hearing what you think, through e-mails, direct messages, whatever. Please comment on my blog, I like reading 'em whenever I get a chance throughout the day. So get commenting! Love to read 'em!

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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