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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Shepard's Pie: Christmas Eve Carp

Joyeux Noel everyone! Almost Christmastime and as you know, got a lot of traditions going on at once: the wife and I are exchanging new pairs of pajamas on Christmas Eve so we can wake up Christmas morn decked out in fresh flannels; gonna dress as Sinterklaas, the Belgian version of Santa and spit about an hour of Christmas history at my nieces and nephews; and of course, see a movie alone to commemorate some of my college Christmases.

My favorite trad though? Grab a Christmas fact off of Wikipedia and do it UP. This year, Christmas Eve Carp.

Apparently in Poland, Slovakia and some of "those" countries, they are way into carp on Christmas. Breaded carp, pickled carp, candied carp, carp carp carp carp carp. Can't say I'm WAY enthused. Nothing against carp, just doesn't seem like a fun thing. I actually closed my eyes and pointed to the wiki page four times and each time I managed to point to carp. Wish I was joking, not clever enough to think of something like that.

Got me thinking though: who in sports is most like Christmas Eve Carp? You know, where you're expecting something great because it's Christmas Eve, but then you get carp? I'm gonna give you one sentence to think about it, but this is the sentence. OK here it is: 5-Time Sprint Cup Champion Jimmie Johnson.

That's the thing about Jimmie Johnson. Winning five championships is totally Christmas Eve: fun and awesome. But his name, his face and his personality? Carp, carp and carp. Even his number is carp. 48? Only good 48 is "48 Hours" and Nolte had to CARRY that movie from the jaws of death that were early-80's Eddie Murphy.

So what's your Christmas Eve Carp? I really love hearing what you think, through e-mails, direct messages, whatever. Please comment on my blog, I like reading 'em whenever I get a chance throughout the day. So get commenting! Love to read 'em!

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