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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Shepard's Pie: That Is Exactly How I Predicted The Super Bowl Would Turn Out

Surprised? I'm not.

This is basically what I've been saying all along: that the Packers would use an opportunistic defense and a stalwart passing effort from Aaron Rodgers to defeat the Steelers. That's what I said would happen and that's what did happen.

I have to say, it was pretty obvious to anyone who even halfway paid attention.

Now a lot of people are going to say that I spoke in broad platitudes like "this game is going to come down to whomever wants it more" and "whichever team moves the ball more effectively is going to win this game". But here's the flaw in that thinking: that's exactly what happened! The team that wanted it more won and the team that moved the ball more effectively won. I believe I said something about limiting turnovers, and no, the Packers didn't do that. But what does that matter? They won. Thus, everything I said came true.

I hope that World Cup octopus is cursing me from heaven, because there's a new octopus in town. Mark Shepard.

Be sure to check out the Dome Tuesday night 10:30/9:30 Central on Comedy Central. I’ll have my tentacles in everything.

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