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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Shepard's Pie: The Seattle Seahawks Have Mothers Too

First of all: How dare all of us.

It's very easy to pass judgement from our ivory pulpits with our platinum gavels. We see a team finish 7-9 and we immediately think that they are somehow undeserving of entry into a tournament meant to find the very best team in football. We shout and we moan and we complain and we scratch our fat bellies and fart. Well not to throw you under the bus, but I do NOT think that way. And I think it's a travesty that some people do.

When the Seahawks entered the season, they did so with the understanding that whomever finished with the best record in NFC West would be allowed into the playoffs regardless of the quality of their club. If they actually had to be good, don't you think they would have gotten some better players, or tried harder? No, you didn't think.

We feel that if we were 6'4" 280 lb Monster-Men, we would finish with a winning record or at least 8-8. We like to think we would decline an invite to the NFL playoff tournament if we finished with a 7-9 record, two more losses than wins. Well I have news for you: the Seahawks are being PAID to play those playoff games. It's their JOB. They HAVE to embarrass themselves in front of the country and get demolished by the Saints. Do you think they like it? Of course they don't.

Think of this the next time you decide to bash the Blue and Bluish-Green: every single one of those Seahawks has a mother. Even if some of those mothers have died (I wasn't able to find information on each player's mother, but the odds are some of them are dead), these Seahawks still hurt and feel and cry and cry some more.

Remember this the next time you're crying and shriveled up in a corner, because I know I will: deep down, inside, when we are at our most weak and pathetic, we are ALL Seattle Seahawks.

Keep the faith, Seahawks. If I could name any of you, you know I'd be sending you a shout out right now.

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