Shepardus Maxim-us: My First Maxim Interview

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Vol 47 Issue 06

FactZone's Five Most Popular Stories

On this, the week of FactZone's fifth birthday, we look back on some of our most popular stories to date: 5. Baby Goat Befriends Roomba: This cute story from 2007 about an Iowa family's pet goat who took to following around a Roomba robotic vacuum...

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Aaron Rodgers To Spend Offseason Being Compared To Things

GREEN BAY, WI—NFL experts said Friday that Aaron Rodgers, who since winning the Super Bowl has been likened to his predecessor Brett Favre and 49ers great Steve Young, will spend the rest of the offseason being compared to everything from other foot...
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UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Shepardus Maxim-us: My First Maxim Interview

That's right folks: Mark Shepard has graduated from long-time Maxim skimmer to first-time Maxim interviewee! It's a real honor, real thrill. I've always felt that of the FHM-Stuff-Maxim triumvirate of high-testosterone glossies, Maxim is by far the least sexist and second smartest.

Let me say right here, the Maxim folks did a phenomenal job of making me feel at home. I met with my handler Erica at 10 in the morning, and she led me to the Maxim kitchen to wait, which was a huge mistake. That thing was STACKED. Five packages of Dunkaroos and two chocolate milks later, I would have done anything Maxim asked me to do!

Except what they actually asked me to do.

I say this in the piece, but let me say right here: I am more than just a sports guy. If you're going to ask me to dress in some bizarre hybrid baseball/football/basketball/hockey/horse jockey/boxing shorts uniform, you need to cite a really good artistic reason for me doing so. In addition, you really have to give me some sort of dressing room and not ask me to, in essence, strip naked right there in the photo studio (I was not wearing underwear that day, to get in the true Maxim spirit).

What I'm trying to say is, sure I'm a sports anchor. But did you know that I am also a poet? I write poems on Twitter all the time, using less than 140 characters per composition. Did you know that I am a sculptor? I took a sculpting class in college and got a B-. Mark Shepard is a spectrum, and he shines far more colors than just sports-red. He shines synth-punk orange, charity work-yellow, Hunger Games fan-green, dinosaur expert-blue, avid Food Network watcher-indigo and occasional vegan-violet.

That was my favorite part of the Maxim piece. I think it really captured who I was, to the extent that you can capture an unknowable renaissance man. I can forgive how they ended all of my quotes with exclamation points and how they used the world "shrill" and "bleated" more than I would care to note (14). All that matters is that they portrayed Mark Shepard in his natural state. Contemplative. Sturdy. Original. A man for his time. (Their words not mine!!!)

I have to say, I do think it was key that I agreed to mud wrestle that fat woman. Everyone in the office really responded to that.

I already scanned a copy to give Wellsy so check out my spread. If you’ve got any questions for the Shep-Dog the Maxim people didn’t answer, don’t hesitate to hit me up on the ‘ol Tweeter @MarkShepardSD.

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