adBlockCheck

International

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
End Of Section
  • More News

Sherpa Can Already Tell You're Not Going To Make It

ANNAPURNA BASE CAMP, NEPAL— Lobsang Dorjee, the Nepalese Sherpa you hired for $45 a day to help you climb one of the 10 most dangerous mountains in the world, concluded in his journal Tuesday that you will die during the ascent. "A man of advertising cannot prepare for a low-oxygen ascent by jogging in Aspen, as I have said many times before," wrote Dorjee, whose advice on routes, provisions, and the use of double-belayed expansion bolts were dismissed out of hand before you started out. "However, I have never seen a wristwatch like his, and am looking forward to exchanging it for a year's worth of food and heating oil." Dorjee came highly recommended by the other dilettante climbers of your acquaintance, who noted that he usually brought his client's bodies back more or less intact.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close