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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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'She's Probably A Money-Hungry Liar,' Extremely Nervous Steelers Fans Report

PITTSBURGH—In the wake of sexual assault allegations made against Ben Roethlisberger by a Georgia college student, nervous Steelers fans across the nation speculated that the supposed victim was most likely a conniving harpy out to make a quick buck and that her claims were completely without merit. "She's probably just a typical example of certain women like that," said Pittsburgh resident Michael Reese, who has never met the alleged victim, and who followed his initial statement by nervously lighting another cigarette. "She probably saw him at the bar and thought, 'Here's my chance to cash in.' Or maybe she hit on him, and when he didn't even give her the time of day, she concocted this little scheme to get back at him. Yup. Bet you any money that's what happened. Sure." Reese then stared down at the Roethlisberger jersey in his hands for a long moment, gesturing as if to put it on before slowly hanging it on a hook behind his door.

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