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Shipwreck Survivors Forced To Endure Ride Home On Disney Cruise Ship

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Jogger Clearly On First Run Of Plan To Turn Life Around

CHICAGO—Taking note of the man’s beat-up tennis shoes, sweat-drenched shirt, and ill-fitting pair of sweatpants as he made his way down the sidewalk, witnesses reported Tuesday that area jogger Dan Andreychuk was clearly out on his very first run of a plan to turn his life around.

What’s At Stake In New Hampshire

With the New Hampshire primary election Tuesday poised to impact the course of the 2016 presidential race, The Onion examines what’s at stake for the candidates
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Shipwreck Survivors Forced To Endure Ride Home On Disney Cruise Ship

NASSAU, BAHAMAS–Rescued after being lost at sea for nearly two weeks, shipwreck survivors Bill and Mary Kolin were forced to endure a ride back to the U.S. mainland on a Disney Magic cruise ship. "I suffered severe sunburn, dehydration, and starvation, but that was nothing compared to the half a day I spent on that hellship," Mary told reporters Monday. "I honestly didn't think we'd make it through Chip 'N' Dale's Karaoke Jam, much less Mickey's Breakfast Buffet." Bill said he plans to write a book chronicling his struggle for survival among shuffleboard-playing Lion King fans.

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