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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Shit, Friend Just Said Something To Obnoxious Drunk Guy On Bus

BIRMINGHAM, AL—Fuck, according to sources, there's this guy on the bus who is belligerent and obviously drunk and your friend just decided to play the hero and go say something to him. Reports confirm that since the drunk guy is reacting with a mixture of incoherence and what appears to be hostility, your friend would no doubt appreciate some support, and with no one else on the bus making eye contact, it looks like it's up to you. Sources feel things may be settling down, as the drunk guy, who initially stood up and asked what the fuck your friend's problem is, has now sat back in his seat. At press time, the man has reportedly stopped singing and is seated calmly, staring straight ahead, but oh shit, he's looking over here and getting up again.

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