Shit, Friend Just Said Something To Obnoxious Drunk Guy On Bus

In This Section

Vol 48 Issue 16

Study: Red Meat Takes Years Off Of Cow's Life

WASHINGTON—Confirming years of speculation, a new study from the U.S. Department of Agriculture's National Animal Health Monitoring System has found that red meat significantly increases the risk of premature death in cows.

Storage Wars

A&E 8:30 p.m. EST/7:30 p.m. CST A dejected Dave thinks the storage locker he purchased is a bust when once again he finds nothing but a 55-gallon oil drum stuffed with two female bodies, but he rejoices upon realizing the corpses are concealing a min...

So, You Wanna Dance?

Fox 8:00 p.m. EST/7:00 p.m. CST With host Ryan Seacrest looming over them, waiting…sure they do!
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Spring

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Shit, Friend Just Said Something To Obnoxious Drunk Guy On Bus

BIRMINGHAM, AL—Fuck, according to sources, there's this guy on the bus who is belligerent and obviously drunk and your friend just decided to play the hero and go say something to him. Reports confirm that since the drunk guy is reacting with a mixture of incoherence and what appears to be hostility, your friend would no doubt appreciate some support, and with no one else on the bus making eye contact, it looks like it's up to you. Sources feel things may be settling down, as the drunk guy, who initially stood up and asked what the fuck your friend's problem is, has now sat back in his seat. At press time, the man has reportedly stopped singing and is seated calmly, staring straight ahead, but oh shit, he's looking over here and getting up again.

Jump to next story

Onion Video

Watch More