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New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.
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Shit, Guy In Front Of You Ordering For Entire Construction Crew

NEW YORK—After you realized that he was speaking with the deli counter attendant longer than is customary, it became apparent this afternoon that, goddammit, the guy in the reflective vest ahead of you in line is placing an order for all of his fellow construction workers. “Shit,” you reportedly lamented silently upon noticing the small piece of paper in the man’s hand, which, according to a cursory glance, appears to contain at least 10 different sandwich orders, most with their own specified beverages and sides. “Oh, come on, not the cell phone. Jesus, is he double-checking an order with someone? No fucking way.” At press time, well shit, there goes the last chicken parm sub, for fuck’s sake.

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