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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Shocked Dzhokar Tsarnaev Always Thought Classmates Were Really Great Judges Of Character

BOSTON—After fellow students at the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth expressed surprise at Boston Marathon bombing suspect Dzhokar Tsarnaev’s alleged role in last week’s fatal attack, a shocked Tsarnaev told reporters today that his classmates had always seemed like they were excellent judges of character. “When I first read in the paper that my classmates thought I was ‘a really nice kid,’ I was stunned,” said Tsarnaev, emphasizing that “not in a million years” would he have suspected that his fellow undergraduates might turn out to be the types of people who would not notice that there was something deeply wrong with Tsarnaev. “I mean, they always seemed like such intelligent, perceptive individuals, but then you learn that they thought I was a normal, friendly, charismatic guy. It’s incomprehensible.” Tsarnaev added that it “just goes to show you never know with some people.”

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