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Price Of Penis-Shaped Swimming Pool Negotiated

LAKE TAHOE, NV—The price of a customized penis-shaped swimming pool was negotiated down Monday, when purchaser Rocky Morgan persuaded contractor Lou Visconti to agree to a $12,000 reduction in price.

Morgan. Bottom left: Blueprints for his pool.

"Right off the bat, I told Rocky I can do it, but it ain't gonna be cheap," said Visconti, owner of Mirage Pools. "First, there's a fee for the original design. And a lot more man hours go into laying a custom pool than one of those quick-and-dirty ready-made jobbers."

Morgan, a former executive at Arista Records and now the owner of an adult-DVD distribution company, came up with the idea for the penis pool after seeing a guitar-shaped pool at a friend's house in Malibu, CA.

"If you know Rocky Morgan, you know what his number-one skill is," said Morgan, 52, alluding to his sexual prowess. "People are impressed with my mirror room and my velvet-covered bar, but I knew a pool like this would make my Tahoe vacation house something guests would never forget."

After pondering the pool idea for a few weeks, Morgan called several contractors for estimates. While a number of the contractors provided rough, non-binding estimates over the phone, only Visconti was willing to pay a personal visit to Morgan's home.

"There was no way of knowing how to fit that pool in there without getting down in the backyard and actually scoping out the site," Visconti said. "I wasn't about to tease Rocky with a cock pool I couldn't deliver just to get his business."

Morgan. Bottom left: Blueprints for his pool.

Though impressed with Visconti's professionalism, Morgan said he was shocked by his initial $89,000 estimate.

"I was looking in a catalog, and most of the pools in there were in the $30,000 range," Morgan said. "I knew the one I wanted would be more, but 89 Gs? That's steep for any pool, whether it looks like a dick or not."

Visconti assured Morgan that spending the extra money for a quality penis pool would pay off in the long run.

"Sure, you can get someone else to do it for less, but they're gonna cut corners, do a shoddy job," Visconti told him. "In two, three years, you're going to have cracks up and down the shaft, the scrotal area is going to cave in, and then you'll need me to come fix it. And believe me, you're gonna pay a lot more down the line than if you spend the money up front."

According to Visconti, many factors contribute to the final cost of a pool. Among them are the quality of materials, the type of wiring for the filtration system, and the amount of decorative detail—which Morgan decided to keep to a minimum, leaving the veins and ridges to swimmers' imagination.

"This is Nevada, and the penis is going to be out in the sun all year round," Visconti said. "If you don't do it right, the paint is going to be peeling like nobody's business, especially on that highly detailed area down by the glans. Something like that in your backyard is gonna make property values plummet."

Visconti is more than qualified to advise Morgan on penis-pool designs. He has 15 years experience in the custom-pool business and has been called "the best in Nevada," having built pools shaped like pianos, palm trees, and slot machines.

In spite of his conviction that one must pay for quality, Visconti ultimately agreed to shave $12,000 off the cost of the pool.

"I could have said 'no can do' and walked away," Visconti said. "But then he wouldn't have his penis by Labor Day, and I would've lost a chance to satisfy a valued customer."

Visconti lowered the estimate by agreeing to absorb 15 percent of labor costs (approximately $6,500) and scaling down the pool's dimensions. The pool, originally slated for 80 meters, will be 50 meters in length, ranging in depth from three feet in the shallow play area at the base of the cock to 12 feet at the head, where a diving board will be positioned. Hand rails and steps will be built in the scrotal area, as well as midway down the shaft. A triangular deck will be added at the base, and bushes will be planted to create the effect of pubic hair.

While Morgan initially wanted to have a pair of hot tubs for the pool's testicles, the idea proved too costly. And though he wanted the pool to have a 17-meter-wide shaft, Visconti ultimately convinced him to build it a more lifelike 10 meters.

"So long as you build the cock a reasonable thickness, you're going to have a real nice lap pool on your hands," Visconti said. "Form follows function. That's what I always tell people."

Visconti said Morgan let him see a faxed proposal from his competitor at Swan Lake Pools.

"You should have seen this thing," Visconti said. "They had the whole thing running east-west, with a deck along the length. It would have looked like a brace, for Christ's sake. Then, they were going to paint the bottom blue. Come on. I can see white, black, maybe even pink. But blue? Who's ever seen a blue dong? It's ridiculous."

Visconti said Morgan made the right choice to go with Mirage Pools.

"Some of these outfits just pour concrete," Visconti said. "At Mirage, we use steel reinforcing rods to make a nice, sturdy, stiff base and shot crete, which has rock sand for extra strength. That'll keep your pool in top shape for a long time, hard as a rock when you're 80."

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