The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal looks back at 'Saving Private Ryan' in this week's Film Standard.
KANSAS CITY—Royals shortstop Tony Peña Jr. expressed his long-held grievances Wednesday concerning the unfairness and injustice involved in not having a base of his own to cover. "It's not fair. Why does every infielder get a base but me?" said Peña, who has received two warnings from umpires in recent games to stop bringing out his own base to shortstop. "[First baseman Mark] Teahen gets to stand right on his very own base all day. And [catcher John] Buck gets to wear all that cool equipment and hang out by the most important base of them all. I'm stuck in no man's land, just throwing the ball to everyone else. This sucks." Second baseman Mark Grudzielanek later met with Peña to discuss a compromise in which both players would stand approximately the same distance from second.