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Shots Of Indianapolis Skyline To Depress Nation During Final Four Broadcast

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WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

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Shots Of Indianapolis Skyline To Depress Nation During Final Four Broadcast

WASHINGTON—Shots of the Indianapolis skyline scheduled to air during the 2010 Final Four will be extremely depressing and will momentarily infuse viewers with a sense of overwhelming bleakness, the U.S. populace reported this week. "When they come back from commercials I'll have to look at these uninspired, cold-looking buildings. There are those two really tall ones that kind of look dead, like nothing's really going on inside of them," said Andover, MD resident Nathan Kowalski, adding that during the Colts' 2009 Super Bowl run, aerial shots of the metropolis put him in such a deep malaise that he had to stop watching the NFL playoffs. "I bet they'll show night shots of the skyline, too. Which will look just as dead, because who wants to be caught in Indianapolis at night when everything is closed and there's nothing to do? I hope they just show the New York City skyline and cut to the game." At a press conference Thursday, Indianapolis mayor Greg Ballard seemed to be on the verge of defending his city, but ultimately sighed and agreed with the rest of the country.

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