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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Shots Of Indianapolis Skyline To Depress Nation During Final Four Broadcast

WASHINGTON—Shots of the Indianapolis skyline scheduled to air during the 2010 Final Four will be extremely depressing and will momentarily infuse viewers with a sense of overwhelming bleakness, the U.S. populace reported this week. "When they come back from commercials I'll have to look at these uninspired, cold-looking buildings. There are those two really tall ones that kind of look dead, like nothing's really going on inside of them," said Andover, MD resident Nathan Kowalski, adding that during the Colts' 2009 Super Bowl run, aerial shots of the metropolis put him in such a deep malaise that he had to stop watching the NFL playoffs. "I bet they'll show night shots of the skyline, too. Which will look just as dead, because who wants to be caught in Indianapolis at night when everything is closed and there's nothing to do? I hope they just show the New York City skyline and cut to the game." At a press conference Thursday, Indianapolis mayor Greg Ballard seemed to be on the verge of defending his city, but ultimately sighed and agreed with the rest of the country.

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