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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Showers With Girlfriend Increasingly Cleansing-Focused

TALLAHASSEE, FL— Over the past two months, Jeff Pinnock's showers with girlfriend Angela Dunn have gradually shifted in focus from sex play to actual body-cleansing. "When we first started dating, she'd ask me to 'wash' her breasts, and I'd ask her to help me soap up my penis," the 23-year-old Pinnock disclosed Monday. "Now, we both mostly just clean ourselves."

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