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Sports

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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SI Investigation Reveals Oklahoma State An Awesome Place To Play Football

STILLWATER, OK—A shocking investigation published in this week’s Sports Illustrated shed light on Oklahoma State University’s alleged practice of plying its football players with sex, drugs, academic assistance, and cash payments in violation of NCAA rules, revealing that the college is an absolutely awesome place to play football. “We found by enabling recreational drug use, encouraging recruits to sign by offering free sex, and paying some players over $10,000 annually that OSU is a totally kickass place to play football,” said Sports Illustrated writer Thayer Evans, adding that the “amazing” Division I football program from 2000 to 2011 routinely provided “lucky-as-hell” athletes with “incredibly cool” illegal perks. “After discovering the typical OSU football player gets access to an unending supply of sex, drugs, and free money, all while the school provides a tutor to do your homework for you, only one thought came to my mind: ‘Ride ’em Cowboys!’” At press time, every single one of the nation’s top 300 high school football recruits had committed to OSU.

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