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SI Investigation Reveals Oklahoma State An Awesome Place To Play Football

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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SI Investigation Reveals Oklahoma State An Awesome Place To Play Football

STILLWATER, OK—A shocking investigation published in this week’s Sports Illustrated shed light on Oklahoma State University’s alleged practice of plying its football players with sex, drugs, academic assistance, and cash payments in violation of NCAA rules, revealing that the college is an absolutely awesome place to play football. “We found by enabling recreational drug use, encouraging recruits to sign by offering free sex, and paying some players over $10,000 annually that OSU is a totally kickass place to play football,” said Sports Illustrated writer Thayer Evans, adding that the “amazing” Division I football program from 2000 to 2011 routinely provided “lucky-as-hell” athletes with “incredibly cool” illegal perks. “After discovering the typical OSU football player gets access to an unending supply of sex, drugs, and free money, all while the school provides a tutor to do your homework for you, only one thought came to my mind: ‘Ride ’em Cowboys!’” At press time, every single one of the nation’s top 300 high school football recruits had committed to OSU.

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