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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Siblings Gather Around PowerPoint To Hash Out Off-Limits Topics For Thanksgiving

DELMAR, NY—In an effort to ensure a smooth and enjoyable dinner with their relatives, siblings Jason, Alyssa, and Leslie Conroy reportedly sat down together Tuesday evening for a PowerPoint presentation covering all of the conversation topics that will be off-limits during the family’s Thanksgiving gathering. “As you can see here, we’re unsure whether or not cousin Jessica is actually college-bound, so we’re going to avoid that subject and stick to the key talking points listed in this table,” said Alyssa Conroy, 26, during the siblings’ 48-slide presentation, which reportedly featured pie charts breaking down the state and national voting histories of extended family members, as well as Venn diagrams illustrating what each relative knows about their father’s upcoming surgery. “While we’d like to stay away from this topic if possible, this timeline does lay out Sarah’s various employers and subsequent job search over the last several years, and the chart to the right summarizes Uncle Jack and Aunt Peg’s opposing viewpoints on the matter. Now, if you would open your handouts to page 14, Jason’s going to give us the outline of Dad and Uncle Jack’s ongoing argument about renting a house together in Cape Cod this summer.” The presentation reportedly concluded with a reminder not to ask Uncle Tim’s girlfriend anything, a slide that has been carried over from the last seven straight PowerPoints.

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