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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Siblings Patiently Waiting For Day They’ll Be Close To Each Other

CHARLOTTE, NC—Though they never formed a tight-knit bond as kids and still haven’t as adults, siblings Macy and Kyle Treadgold continue to wait patiently for the day they’ll finally grow close to each other, sources reported Thursday. “I thought it might happen when I was a senior in college and she was a freshman, because I figured the chance to hang out away from our parents would bring us closer together, but yeah, that didn’t happen,” said Kyle Treadgold, 31, whose sister Macy, 29, confirmed that despite saying “I love you” after their infrequent phone conversations, the siblings still feel no real connection at all. “Then when we were both in our twenties and living in the same city, I thought for sure we were finally at that age when we’d become friends. But somehow that didn’t pan out either. At this point, I think it may take a major family tragedy for us to form a lasting tie. We’ll probably have to wait until Mom or Dad dies.” According to a report suddenly received at press time, even that hasn’t managed to do it.

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